Seens Jokes in the US - Part 2

Coconut Burfi

When I travelled to the US, Mom had prepared this coconut burfi and packed it in my suitcase. I had taken it out and kept in the fridge. Then I had forgotten about it for months.

One day Seens asked me,

Seens: Sajid, I see some white sweets in the fridge. Is it yours?
Sajid: Oh yes. I forgot to eat only. Did you say white? I guess they were yellow
Seens: Anyway, I love Indian sweets. Can I eat some of it?
Sajid: Sure. Please go ahead. I don’t like sweets anyway

That day evening Seens came to me again and said,

Seens: I ate the sweets. They are lovely. Taste is quite different though
Sajid: Oh is it? Let me try as well

I went and took the sweets from the fridge. When I saw them, there was a thick white layer on them which was obviously fermented bacteria. But Seens had already relished few pieces of coconut burfi. He had thought the white thing was coconut
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Shan Chicken Masala

Whenever I and Santy went out for groceries shopping, Seens always used to yell from his room “Please Shan Chicken Masala maribedi”
He was a big fan of Shan Chicken Masala, so much so that he would hate to eat if the curry was made of some other masala.

One day we all went for shopping. Since the Indian shop was closed we went to a nearby shop which was owned by a Pakistani. Seens refused to enter the shop saying his patriotic heart wasn’t allowing him to enter a Pakistani shop.

To Seens’s shock and dismay I told him meekly, “Seens, Shan Chicken Masala is a Pakistani product”
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Gym – Day 1

One day Seens came back from the gym yelling “Sainatha…. Sainatha….”
I asked him back, “What happened Seens?”
He said with a sick look “ayyo devre… in the changing room men don’t even wear under wears. Sainatha… What a disgusting sight!! thu ivrakkan !!”

He didn’t sleep for days. And whenever he went to the gym in future he never entered the changing room again
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Gym – Day 2

One unknown black guy wished Seens, “hey buddy, how are you man? Happy Halloween? Alright? Happy Halloween to you buddy”

Seens replied him with a broad smile and with double the josh, “hey “B***** magne S***** magne, thank you so much Ninakkan. Happy Halloween to you kal baddi magne”
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Gym – Day 3

One day Seens went to the basketball court in the gym. Few huge black guys arrived there. They asked Seens if he would like to join them for a match. Seens agreed instantly. The match started. Seens started running to and fro but his limbs ached. When he decided to retire from the court, a black guy yelled, “hey, you just can’t leave the game in the middle. Cover that guy. Be quick. We got to win this one”

Seens had to run like a dog for the entire match and lol.. the biggest irony was, he didn’t touch the ball even once. He worked from home for the next few days coz he couldn’t walk !
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Gym - Day 4

At the gym, Seens was a stylish guy(at least he thought he was). Everyday he used to remove his t shirt and work out. One day while Seens worked out, one of the gym staff thought his t shirt could be trash and threw it off. After the work out, when Seens realized that his shirt was missing, he searched, inquired and fought with the staff arguing that his shirt wasn’t trash.
Then he had walked back home (which was 3 miles away) in his white baniyan (vest) !! The baniyan had a hole in it ;-) lol
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Star in Restaurants

Wherever Seens went out to eat, people in the restaurants always stared at him. Why ?
Because he always used to eat rice with hand and burger and pizza with spoons and forks.
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Photogenic !

It was on the last day of our stay in the US, Seens took me out with a camera so that he could take pictures. After taking few snaps around Chattahoochee river we went near Chipotle(restaurant). I was the photographer and Seens was the model. He quickly figured out a pretty girl sitting out at the restaurant. He asked me to take the photo of him so that the pretty girl appears in the frame. He planned to show the photo to his friends back home and would boast that he had such beautiful GF.

While he was slyly acting as if he was not posing, the girl caught him.
Before she could rebuke him, I ran to her (to save Seens in fact) and whispered to her “excuse me, this guy is my friend. He is bit sick. I mean, mind wise he is not too well. You know what I mean. Today is his last day in the USA. He is flying back to India tomorrow. He has become emotional. He loves this country so much so that he wants a photo with every single American”.

She turned and looked at him and exclaimed “poor guy”
She asked him, “Do you love America so much?”
Seens gleefully replied “yes, I love America”
It moved her.
Then she hugged him and asked me to take a photo. Seens’s mouth was wide open. Before saying bye she told him “take care of your health”

While we headed back home Seens was on cloud nine. He asked me “anthad en whisper maadidri avlge. Kalmunde hug maadbitlu..wow”
I didn’t reply.
Seens smile evaded for a while. With a Sense of confusion he asked me again, “why did she ask me to take care of my health?”
I just said, “How would I know?”
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What a Veggie

We were three roommates. Seens was a vegetarian then. We had just one frying pan in the kitchen. We often reused the pan without washing it.
One Sunday after noon, Santy woke up early, cooked his breakfast in the pan and went to his room. Then I cooked my breakfast in the same pan, ate and moved in. Then Seens woke up pretty late and cooked his omlette in the same pan again. While he was having his breakfast I asked him,

Me: Seens, did you cook in the same pan ? I guess you should had to wash it
Seens: Why?
Me: Coz I cooked beef in it
Seens: What? Sainathaaa… I will throw up now (he held his mouth)

Then Santy came out of his room and asked us coolly
Santy: I guess you guys should had to wash the pan
Me: Why?
Santy: Coz I cooked pork in it
Me: Jesus! (I held my mouth)

By then Seens had run to the rest room and was throwing up already
From the next day Seens began eating chicken regularly
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Sportsman

In a sporting nation like USA, Seens never played any sport. After office hours, he always stuck to his laptop either browsing or chatting. One day myself, Scott, Ralph and Seens were on sametime chatting over some important testing in office. It was Friday afternoon and Scott was in hurry
Scott: Guys, Can we finish this in next 30 minutes? I got to catch my golf session
Sajid: Wow cool. You play golf? What about you Ralph? Do you also play golf?
Ralph: Sometimes. But I am a racket sport (squash) player
Sajid: great
Scott: What do you play?
Sajid: I play tennis regularly. And sometimes cricket, Indian version of baseball
Scott: well, it’s been a while I have hit some balls on a tennis court. So what do you play Srinivas?
Seens: I play chess !

There was silence.
Actually Seens hadn’t lied. He was a player in chesspak.com, an online community. What a lovely game he had chosen. You don’t have to even move your limb. Just click with your finger and yet become a proud sportsman :-)
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Under taker

One day when I saw Seen’s suitcase, I was shocked to see it fully filled with his undergarments. He had got some 40-50 pairs of new undergarments from India and some 20 pairs of socks. I asked him if he had any intention to open an undy shop in the US. Then he said that he had never washed his undergarments back in India and he sort of wanted them to use like ‘use and throw’.
One day I heard him talking to his father, “After few months, I will have nothing to wear. Send some couple a dozens more, if someone is travelling from India to the US”
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To be continued....