Hud Hud Dabangg - Utsav 2010 - The Year Ending Blog !

There are two things that pump up my adrenalin. No, it’s neither Sheila ki Jawani nor some spicy Biriyani. They are; a tennis court and a stage. Stage lets my creative juices flow and makes me come up with entertaining scripts and acts. The reason why my skits or acts have become popular in my company is the fact that I can understand the sensibilities of the audience.

This month we celebrated Utsav at our office and I participated in a fashion show and played Dabangg’s Chulbul Pandey which became an instant hit among the audience, thanks to the make up man. I thoroughly enjoyed the act not just because it sort of came out well but also because I am such a big fan of the character Chulbul Pandey (I’m not a Salman fan though). Read my earlier blog on Dabangg. Since it was the first time I was mimicking Salman, I was pretty excited (I can mimic SRK or Amitabh even in my sleep :-))

Apart from entertainment, I love stage coz it allows me to paint my face and change myself into a different character. In that span of time, I am someone else. I’m free from the shackles of my past or the future. I love being someone else(Actually I suffer from Tourette's Syndrome I guess). May be that is the reason, it shows in my performances. Most of the participants were freshers who asked me how come I was still passionate about these things even after so many years in the industry. I said, “I will keep doing these things even if I become a CEO coz the truth is, when I grow old I would end up dying either in a tennis court or on a stage somewhere”

Find the youtube link below which has part of the Mahabharat skit wherein I play Chulbul in the climax.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYzBKFQrCAs

This is my last blog of 2010. Thank you all for all the support, love and feedback for my blogs. Keep writing to me. I only wish to write better stuff the next year. I can only wish you all to start writing your own stuff. There's no better 'high' in the world than writing your heart out except playing a tennis shot or playing Chulbul Pandey :-) lol

Happy New Year 2011. Lot's of love and God Bless. Keep Rocking !!

Hindi Film Awards - 2010

The year 2010 has been quite a different year when it comes to Bollywood. Many biggies fell flat and many new directors hit the jackpot making Udaan, Tere Bin Laden,Dabangg, Do Dooni Char, BBB,I Hate Luv stories and many more. I have come up with my awards in various categories. Leave a comment if you think otherwise or if you think the awards are rigged :-) lol


Best Story : Rajneeti

Best Screenplay: My Name is Khan

Best Dialogues: Dabangg/ Once Upon a Time in Mumbai

Best Action: Robot

Best Special Effects: Robot

Best Background Score: Dabangg

Best Choreography: Farah Khan for Munni Badnaam Huyi

Best Cinematography: Ravan

Best Actor in a supporting Role: Arjun Rampal(Rajneeti)/Nana Patekar(Rajneeti)/Naseeruddin Shah(Ishqiya)

Best Actress in a supporting role: Zarina Wahab(MNIK)

Best Actor in a Comic Role: Paresh Rawal (Atithi Tum Kab Javoge)

Best Actor in a Negative Role: Ronit Roy (Udaan)/Manoj Bajpe(Rajneeti)

Best Singer – Female: Sheila Ki Jawani – Sunidhi Chauhan

Best Singer – Male : Dil to Bacha Hai Jee – Rahet Fateh Ali

Best Lyrics : Dil to Bachcha Hai Jee - Gulzar

Best Newcomer - Male: Ranveer Singh (Band Baaja Baraat)

Best Newcomer - Female: Sonakshi Sinha(Dabangg)

Best Music
Nominations: My Name is Khan
Dabangg
Ishqiya
Tees Maar Khan
Karthik Calling Karthik
Award Goes to: Lalit Pundit, Sajid, Wajid for Dabangg

Best Director
Nominations: Karan Johar(MNIK)
Prakash Jha (Rajneeti)
Abhinav Kashyap (Dabangg)
Sanjay Leela Bhansali (Guzarish)
Vishal Bharadwaj (Ishqiya)
Award goes to: Prakash Jha

Best Film
Nominations: MNIK
Rajneeti
Guzarish
Ishqiya
Udaan
Award Goes to: MNIK(My Name is Khan)


Best Actress
Nominations: Kajol(MNIK)
Kajol(We Are Family)
Vidya Balan(Ishqiya)
Katrina Kaif(Rajneeti)
Aishwarya(Guzaarish)
Award Goes to: Kajol(MNIK)


Best Actor
Nominations: Shah Rukh Khan(MNIK)
Ranbir Kapoor(Rajneeti)
Ajay Devgan(OnceUpon a Time in Mumbai)
Salman Khan(Dabangg)
Hrithik Roshan(Guzaarish)
Award Goes to: Shah Rukh Khan(MNIK)/ Salman Khan(Dabangg)
(Filmfare may share the award between the two)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sheila Ki Jawani - Remix Version :-)

Thank You Raju Hirani for '3 Idiots' !

Couple of weeks back I got a call.

“It’s 110 quintals of maize and we may get a good rate of over Rs. 900 per quintal”, I could hear the enthusiastic, gleeful voice of my eldest brother Allen on the phone. That’s what I call him fondly.

“Congratulations Farmer Sahab”, for the first time I was proud of my brother.

It is exactly one year back that '3 Idiots' was released. As we all know, the movie went on to become an All Time Blockbuster and also the highest ever grossing Indian movie (Robot fell short of beating it). I had already watched the movie before I travelled to my home the following weekend.

My brother Allen could define ‘laziness’. He works in a government office as a First Divisional Clerk. He hardly went out. He used to come back home from office by noon itself and did only feeding (himself), sleeping and watching TV. His favorite destination was the couch. I was sure Koel would definitely invite him some day for an episode for 'On the couch with Koel'. His 3 year old daughter, Zoya kept pestering him, “Pappa walking jayenge. Pappa walking jayenge”. He silently used to ignore her and switched the channels. No wonder he had touched 90 kilos.

With some insistence I could drag him to watch 3 Idiots saying it was a lovely movie. We both saw the film. When I had asked him how he liked the film, he didn’t answer. He was sort of in some deep thought. The next day he came to me and with some hesitance said, “I want to quit my job”

“What the..?” I was shocked.

“Since childhood my passion has been plantation, farming. I just love plants more than anything else. I want to pursue farming as my profession” he said without making an eye contact.

“Jesus! Farhan Qureshi? Never again!” I exclaimed.

I then continued, “See Allen, films are just fiction. I thought I was filmy but… these things aren’t pragmatic. Just look at yourself, you can’t move your ass out of the house and how can you imagine to work your ass out in the hot fields? It’s impossible”

“Nothing is impossible. My friend Imtiyaz is jobless. I will convince him and we can take some land and start cultivation on a partnership basis. After couple of years I can plan for plantation of fruits or teakwood” He was firm. He also showed me our garden where he had singlehandedly grown and maintained the lawn and had grown various plants of fruits, flowers and vegetables.

We then had a family meeting.

“Why the hell did you take him to that movie?” yelled my second brother Shan at me.
We then somehow convinced Allen not to quit his job. His friend could work full time and Allen could go to the farm in the afternoons.

Somewhere in March 2010, Allen and his friend leased 8 acres of land near Ranibennur. The land had irrigation facility. Soon they started moving around. They met my uncle who is a farmer and got to know the basic info about the timing of cultivation, kind of seeds, fertilizers, pesticides etc to go for. They sowed maize.

Allen kept visiting the farm in the afternoons and worked as late as 8 PM. Everyone was shocked to see what he was up to. Whenever I called him, he always spoke about how tall his crops were, his plans, his farm etc. I remember him saying that he would visit the Agricultural University at Dharwad to study the modern techniques of farming. For harvesting he hired machines and reduced the human effort and time. My uncle had patted his back saying my brother’s enthusiasm was inspirational to others.

Last time I went home, we had a small party to celebrate Allen’s first harvest, 110 quintals of maize. This year he is planning to lease a bigger and more fertile piece of land. “Black soil” he says. He keeps telling me that we should buy land and he can then work on his dream; ‘plantation’. I see my brother lot happier these days. He hardly takes out the bike, he prefers walking. And did I mention, with over 8 months of hard work in the fields, he has shed quite a few kilos and looks fit. All his trousers have become loose :-) lol. Since this year’s cultivation hasn’t started yet, he says he just can’t sit idle at home. In the evenings, he takes out Zoya to the ground and plays cricket. Zoya has started saying ‘I love Pappa’ more often than ‘I love Chachu’ which she often used to say before.

We sit everyday in front of monitors (during night as well, thanks to Blogs, YouTube and Networking sites) and TV and hardly do we think anything about working out something physical. Moreover do we have it in us to pursue what our passion is or where we suit the best? Do we have it in us to stand out from the crowd and say proudly ‘I love my job’ or do we still continue to flow with the flow and crib everyday about our jobs? Or may be we would crib when we grow old saying ‘Shit! I should have done it when I was young!’. I am glad at least my brother wouldn’t crib like that when he grows old. I’m really happy for him. I’m happy for Allen. Thank You Raju Hirani for 3 Idiots !!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

English – Arabic – Any connection?

As I was reading a book on the history of English language, it was mentioned that English is mainly derived from the three major ancient languages; Latin, Greek and Sanskrit to some extent. But I find alarming similarity between Arabic and English. Look at the few Arabic (Muslim) names mentioned below. Sounds quite funny though

Imdad - I am dad
Ansari - I am sorry
Moin - Move in
Asif - As if
Arif - Are if
Zubair - Zoo bear
Sarfraz – Surprise
Laik - Like
Asin - As in
Arfat - Are fat
Farid - Freed
Faahim - Find him
Anwar - An war
Hussain - Who Sane?
Ehtisham - Eighty Sham
Afroz - Of rose
Altaf - All tough
Firdaus - For those
Kareem - Cream
Baber - Barber
Haider - Hi There
Kamran - Come run
Numan - New man
Saif - Safe

I think I should stop this here only. Else I may get into trouble if I happen to touch some of the names like Mehbub, Arsh or Samad etc. My only attempt was to show the commonality between Arabic and English. In fact all the languages on earth go back to a single source. Then I wonder why do people fight so much over languages? The only languages where there is no ethnic fight whatsoever involved are…. the programming languages :-) hahaha lol. Having said all this, I should confess that one’s mother tongue is always special.

Hey, what about Dixit?? ;-) I think I should shut up now !

Seens Jokes in the US - Part 2

Coconut Burfi

When I travelled to the US, Mom had prepared this coconut burfi and packed it in my suitcase. I had taken it out and kept in the fridge. Then I had forgotten about it for months.

One day Seens asked me,

Seens: Sajid, I see some white sweets in the fridge. Is it yours?
Sajid: Oh yes. I forgot to eat only. Did you say white? I guess they were yellow
Seens: Anyway, I love Indian sweets. Can I eat some of it?
Sajid: Sure. Please go ahead. I don’t like sweets anyway

That day evening Seens came to me again and said,

Seens: I ate the sweets. They are lovely. Taste is quite different though
Sajid: Oh is it? Let me try as well

I went and took the sweets from the fridge. When I saw them, there was a thick white layer on them which was obviously fermented bacteria. But Seens had already relished few pieces of coconut burfi. He had thought the white thing was coconut
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shan Chicken Masala

Whenever I and Santy went out for groceries shopping, Seens always used to yell from his room “Please Shan Chicken Masala maribedi”
He was a big fan of Shan Chicken Masala, so much so that he would hate to eat if the curry was made of some other masala.

One day we all went for shopping. Since the Indian shop was closed we went to a nearby shop which was owned by a Pakistani. Seens refused to enter the shop saying his patriotic heart wasn’t allowing him to enter a Pakistani shop.

To Seens’s shock and dismay I told him meekly, “Seens, Shan Chicken Masala is a Pakistani product”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gym – Day 1

One day Seens came back from the gym yelling “Sainatha…. Sainatha….”
I asked him back, “What happened Seens?”
He said with a sick look “ayyo devre… in the changing room men don’t even wear under wears. Sainatha… What a disgusting sight!! thu ivrakkan !!”

He didn’t sleep for days. And whenever he went to the gym in future he never entered the changing room again
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gym – Day 2

One unknown black guy wished Seens, “hey buddy, how are you man? Happy Halloween? Alright? Happy Halloween to you buddy”

Seens replied him with a broad smile and with double the josh, “hey “B***** magne S***** magne, thank you so much Ninakkan. Happy Halloween to you kal baddi magne”
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gym – Day 3

One day Seens went to the basketball court in the gym. Few huge black guys arrived there. They asked Seens if he would like to join them for a match. Seens agreed instantly. The match started. Seens started running to and fro but his limbs ached. When he decided to retire from the court, a black guy yelled, “hey, you just can’t leave the game in the middle. Cover that guy. Be quick. We got to win this one”

Seens had to run like a dog for the entire match and lol.. the biggest irony was, he didn’t touch the ball even once. He worked from home for the next few days coz he couldn’t walk !
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gym - Day 4

At the gym, Seens was a stylish guy(at least he thought he was). Everyday he used to remove his t shirt and work out. One day while Seens worked out, one of the gym staff thought his t shirt could be trash and threw it off. After the work out, when Seens realized that his shirt was missing, he searched, inquired and fought with the staff arguing that his shirt wasn’t trash.
Then he had walked back home (which was 3 miles away) in his white baniyan (vest) !! The baniyan had a hole in it ;-) lol
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Star in Restaurants

Wherever Seens went out to eat, people in the restaurants always stared at him. Why ?
Because he always used to eat rice with hand and burger and pizza with spoons and forks.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Photogenic !

It was on the last day of our stay in the US, Seens took me out with a camera so that he could take pictures. After taking few snaps around Chattahoochee river we went near Chipotle(restaurant). I was the photographer and Seens was the model. He quickly figured out a pretty girl sitting out at the restaurant. He asked me to take the photo of him so that the pretty girl appears in the frame. He planned to show the photo to his friends back home and would boast that he had such beautiful GF.

While he was slyly acting as if he was not posing, the girl caught him.
Before she could rebuke him, I ran to her (to save Seens in fact) and whispered to her “excuse me, this guy is my friend. He is bit sick. I mean, mind wise he is not too well. You know what I mean. Today is his last day in the USA. He is flying back to India tomorrow. He has become emotional. He loves this country so much so that he wants a photo with every single American”.

She turned and looked at him and exclaimed “poor guy”
She asked him, “Do you love America so much?”
Seens gleefully replied “yes, I love America”
It moved her.
Then she hugged him and asked me to take a photo. Seens’s mouth was wide open. Before saying bye she told him “take care of your health”

While we headed back home Seens was on cloud nine. He asked me “anthad en whisper maadidri avlge. Kalmunde hug maadbitlu..wow”
I didn’t reply.
Seens smile evaded for a while. With a Sense of confusion he asked me again, “why did she ask me to take care of my health?”
I just said, “How would I know?”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What a Veggie

We were three roommates. Seens was a vegetarian then. We had just one frying pan in the kitchen. We often reused the pan without washing it.
One Sunday after noon, Santy woke up early, cooked his breakfast in the pan and went to his room. Then I cooked my breakfast in the same pan, ate and moved in. Then Seens woke up pretty late and cooked his omlette in the same pan again. While he was having his breakfast I asked him,

Me: Seens, did you cook in the same pan ? I guess you should had to wash it
Seens: Why?
Me: Coz I cooked beef in it
Seens: What? Sainathaaa… I will throw up now (he held his mouth)

Then Santy came out of his room and asked us coolly
Santy: I guess you guys should had to wash the pan
Me: Why?
Santy: Coz I cooked pork in it
Me: Jesus! (I held my mouth)

By then Seens had run to the rest room and was throwing up already
From the next day Seens began eating chicken regularly
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sportsman

In a sporting nation like USA, Seens never played any sport. After office hours, he always stuck to his laptop either browsing or chatting. One day myself, Scott, Ralph and Seens were on sametime chatting over some important testing in office. It was Friday afternoon and Scott was in hurry
Scott: Guys, Can we finish this in next 30 minutes? I got to catch my golf session
Sajid: Wow cool. You play golf? What about you Ralph? Do you also play golf?
Ralph: Sometimes. But I am a racket sport (squash) player
Sajid: great
Scott: What do you play?
Sajid: I play tennis regularly. And sometimes cricket, Indian version of baseball
Scott: well, it’s been a while I have hit some balls on a tennis court. So what do you play Srinivas?
Seens: I play chess !

There was silence.
Actually Seens hadn’t lied. He was a player in chesspak.com, an online community. What a lovely game he had chosen. You don’t have to even move your limb. Just click with your finger and yet become a proud sportsman :-)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Under taker

One day when I saw Seen’s suitcase, I was shocked to see it fully filled with his undergarments. He had got some 40-50 pairs of new undergarments from India and some 20 pairs of socks. I asked him if he had any intention to open an undy shop in the US. Then he said that he had never washed his undergarments back in India and he sort of wanted them to use like ‘use and throw’.
One day I heard him talking to his father, “After few months, I will have nothing to wear. Send some couple a dozens more, if someone is travelling from India to the US”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To be continued....

Federer’s Resurgence

The year has passed by as far as the tennis season is concerned. And for Roger Federer, probably 2010 is one of the most dramatic seasons if not the most. Barring the Australian Open, the first half year was a disaster for him. He struggled and struggled and struggled. I don’t remember if he won any ATP title prior to the French Open. In French Open, Soderling won his first match against Federer after 13 consecutive losses. And when he struggled in a 5 set match against Falla in the early rounds of Wimbledon, I got a doubt if he could make it to the finals. Eventually Federer was knocked out of the Wimbledon in the quarter finals by Berdych. Federer lost his number one ranking to Nadal again. He even dropped to the third spot. The best player of all times was at all time low. The media had written him off.

Then the North American season commenced in August 2010. The wounded tiger had to prove his class. The mission for the unfinished job began. Roger reached Toronto Masters finals and lost to Murray. But he won the Cincinnati Masters beating Mardy Fish. He was a strong contender for the US open which followed. But unfortunately even with two match points he lost to Djokovic in the semis which was a big blow for him and for his fans in particular. But the king wasn’t deterred. He again reached the Shanghai masters final and lost to Murray. Then on he easily won the Stockholm open and at Basel(Swiss Open), his home ground(should I say home court?). Paris masters should have been a cakewalk for him but he couldn’t convert those 5 match points against Monfils. The reason? Federer’s growing number of unforced errors. May be he was relying too much on his serve.

Then in November(end), the year ending tournament arrived. London masters. Top 8 players played. Federer and Nadal reached the finals. It was sort of a climax wherein the stadium was filled with numerous celebrities. Federer rose to the occasion and played a perfect match to beat Nadal. He played amazing ground strokes to outclass Nadal. Congratulations Roger !

Federer has beaten Djokovic in every single match after his US open debacle. He also took his revenge against Murray in London masters. And his victory over Nadal was the sweetest. Federer has reached finals of every ATP tournament since Wimbledon except the US open and the Paris masters. In both these losses he had match points. That sums it all up. Currently, Federer is at number 2 ranking as there is still some gap with Nadal in terms of points. But at the moment, Federer is one player with full confidence and the player to beat. I am sure he would have his name written all over 2011. Keep going Fedex and all the best. Stay injury free as always and show the guys the door

Seens Jokes in the US :-)

Seens(Srinivas) was my roommate and best friend in Atlanta two years back. He was cool, talkative, dynamic and way too funny. He had this Kannada SRK(Shiv Raj Kumar) hairstyle. The moments spent with him are probably some of the best moments in my life. I have listed some of the funny incidents of Seens in the US below. If you like them will post some more. Hope Seens doesn't mind :-)

Nati Chicken

All of a sudden Seens enrolled for a gym and started working out. I advised him saying “Seens, since you are working out you should eat Nati Chicken. It has more proteins”
Next day he went to Kroger (shopping mall) and asked the shopkeeper

Seens: Do you have Nati Chicken here?
Shopkeeper: Naughty what? Did you say Naughty Chic ? For that you should go to PP dude (PinkPony is a famous strip bar in Atlanta)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Don’t Abuse Me

One day when we were partying Seens had a major fight with our other roommate. The other roommate got very angry when Seens abused him in Kannada. He wanted to say ‘don’t abuse me’. Instead he said, “Seens, this is too much. I am telling you, don’t seduce me”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Desh Premi

One day we had been to a strip bar. Seens spotted a desi(Indian) bar dancer there. Seeing a nude Indian aroused the patriotic feeling in him. He went to her and asked her in his broken Hindi,

Seens: Excuse me, aap India mein kahan place ka hai ?
Dancer: “F*** off you jerk”

We all had laughed for days
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tennis Referee

Once we had organized a tennis tournament. Seens was made a referee for a match when I was playing.
He started giving wrong decisions in favor of me. Even if I hit long he used to give it in. All the spectators started yelling “fixing, fixing”
I got irritated and shouted at Seens

Me: Seens, where the hell did I fix with you? Why can’t you give the correct decisions. I want to win the match fair and square
Seens: I have no affinity towards you. Just that I forgot to wear my glasses today. Baddimagandu kansatte andre ishtu blurr aag kanasbeka !!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Super Figure

One bad habit Seens had was to pass comments in kannada aloud in front of Americans. He thought they would never understand him. One day while we were passing out of the entrance of the office, a client lady entered in. She looked pretty. When she was crossing us, Seens exclaimed aloud in Kannada “wah, en super figure idaale ivlu”
She immediately turned back and gave a dirty stare. I had vanished in no time
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Raagi Balls

One day I and Seens wanted to eat raagi balls badly. We went to a shopping mall

Seens: Do we get raagi here ?
Shopkeeper: Raagi what’s that?
Seens: It’s something like…. We make balls out of it and eat
Shopkeeper: What? Do you eat balls ? Balls are to be played right ?

In next few minutes the shopkeeper called all his colleagues and showed them the ball eating creatures. We were embarrassed enough
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Titanic Heroine

On the first day of Seens’s working day at Atlanta, he noticed that the person whose desk was next to him was ‘Elizabeth’. She was on leave that day. He asked Ganesan how she looked. Ganesan said she exactly looked like Titanic Heroine. As Seens heard this he jumped with ecstasy. He called me and told about how lucky he was.

Next day when Elizabeth arrived office, Seens saw her and inquired Ganesan
Seens: Dude, is this Titanic Heroine ?
Ganesan: Of course yes. Did you think of Kate Winslett? Come on. I meant the old lady Rose who narrates the story in the movie

Elizabeth was the oldest employee of the company
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What a Party

One day our American neighbor Stan invited us for dinner. I and Seens went to his house with immense greed for food. One tradition in the US is, in a party you have to introduce yourself to the other people in the party. In Stan’s house there were hell lot of old people. It was a nuisance to talk to them.
Some how I introduced myself to them saying I and Stan were tennis partners and bla bla
Meanwhile when it was Seens turn to introduce himself, he forgot Stan’s name. lol
With great confidence, he said to others, “Hi all, I am Seens. Stefan is my very good friend. I was glad to come here when Stefan invited me for the dinner”

“Hey wait” One old guy interrupted. “Who on earth is Stefan here ?”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--- TO BE CONTINUED.....

Life After Death !!

Note: I am extremely sorry for not posting a comedy this time. As I was about to, I felt this one deserved more

Come Monday, my body shivers. I become delirious. No, it’s not the office blues. All the sad and bad things those have happened in my life have all fallen on Mondays. Last Monday yet another tragedy struck me. My cousin brother Zulfiqar Ali passed away all of a sudden, thanks to the brain hemorrhage, he was gone in seconds. All called him Bhutto. He was just 37. I grew up with him in the same house as we had a huge united family. But that day I realised that the biggest living truth in the world is nothing but death.

I travelled back home as soon as I got the news. His family, that’s my aunt’s family was devastated. He had left behind two old parents, two sisters, two younger brothers, two small kids and wife. As the body was brought home from the hospital there was pandemonium in the house. All the relatives mourned, wept and cried for such a loss. It was a shock rather. As I entered the house, the body laid down in the hall. One thing I noticed was his daughter Munazza, 4 year old kid who hardly knows the meaning of life and death, was playing near the body(the other kid is one year old son). Let me admit, I can’t converse with adults because I don’t understand them. I can talk to children though. With some sadness, I lifted Munazza in my arms and came out of the house. Unlike my niece Zoya, this lovely kid is very calm and quite. Below was our conversation

Me: What has happened to your Abba?
Munazza: Looks like Abba fell somewhere. He is resting
Me: No Beta, actually he has gone to some other world
Munazza: Which world?
Me: You see there is a wonderful world which we can’t see. He went there in advance so that he can build a palace for you there, also a nice garden and lots of toys to play
Munnazza: Oh Wooow.. (her face brightened up)
Me: But it will take time. You will have to wait to meet him
Munazza: How long?
Me: May be some 60-70 years that’s all
Munazza: I will wait
Me: For that you should go to school. Else Abba will get angry and won’t build anything for you
Munazza: I will go to school
Me: Now you know the secret where your Abba has gone, you should promise me that you won’t trouble your Mom asking where your Abba has gone.
Munazza: I promise, I won’t. I also won’t tell this secret to Umme Haani(her cousin)
Me: Great girl. Now tell me the truth, did you cry?
Munazza: No
Me: Then who all cried?
Munazza: Daadi Ammi cried. Chacha cried. Phuppu cried. Hmmm…(thinking) Ammi didn’t cry. But Nani Ammi cried lots.
Me: You know what, those who cried are all fools. They don’t know the secret where your Abba has gone. You and your Ammi are brave. Brave people never cry

The little kid smiled.

Then after couple of hours I saw her. She shook her head conveying that she wasn’t crying. Later when hordes of relatives, friends poured in and were shedding tears, Munazza winked at me and smirked at others. Fools, she thought. Just before the coffin was supposed to be lifted for the graveyard all the family members were allowed to see the face of the deceased for the last time. My cousin lifted Munazza in his arms, went near the coffin so that she can have a last sight. The kid remained calm. She didn’t shed a single drop of tear. Tears rolled down our eyes. Then she came to me and said “Chacha, Ammi is not brave any more. See there, now she is crying”. With some difficulty I said “But you are very brave Beta”

The next day I again went to the Aunt’s house. As soon as Munazza saw me, she came running and told in a single breath “Chacha, Abba forgot to wear his pant only. It’s still hanging in the room. Hehe. Also, he also forgot to take all his medicines. What if he dies in that world?”

I had no answer.

Am I Safe In My Own Country ?

Tomorrow is this Ayodhya verdict and everybody is shit scared. I am not too bothered for tomorrow as whatever the decision is, will be challenged in the apex court. But the people who endorse violence will soon regret themselves. Whatever happens tomorrow, no one can change the fact that in India, Hindus and Muslims can not live without each other. Cheek by jowl. I decided to write this blog after I spoke to my mother on phone today.

Last month we had a family trip to North India. We were twenty people mostly women and children. We finished our pilgrimage in Ajmer and arrived to Agra Fort station on 8th August 2010. As soon as we got down from the train a middle aged guy approached us and asked if he could help us in getting a hotel. I understood he was just a thug who wanted to loot us. I told him that I had already booked a nearby hotel. When I mentioned him the name of the hotel he was aghast.
"Saab, ye kya kiya aapne?. The hotel which you have booked is in Hindu area"
"So what?" I asked him back
"Saab, no Muslim ever stays in that hotel. Instead they stay in Taj Gunj, a Muslim area. Also do you know about the Shiv Mela?"
"What’s that?"
"There is a Shiv temple next to this hotel. And today and tomorrow is the Mela. Tens of thousands of devotees gather there chanting and singing with trishuls. It will be so crowded that Auto rickshaws and vehicles are prohibited there. Isn’t it such a risk to take Burkha clad women and children there?" He told as if I had committed a crime.

With some apprehension I called the hotel manager and he agreed that it was all true. He also gave me confidence that nothing untoward should happen but again if I wanted I could cancel the booking. It was already 9 in the night. And since it was a weekend I had doubt if we could get good hotels elsewhere. I called up Bebo. She asked me to cancel the hotel and not take any risk. She also told that my mother (who did her Hujj pilgrimage) wouldn’t like it after a holy pilgrimage in Ajmer.

I had to decide then. I closed my eyes. I could have seen the fear or communal disharmony or a safe exit. Instead I saw two people. Gandhi and Nehru.
"India is democracy. Every Indian has right to stay in any corner of the country as long as he has money" I told my family and decided to shift to the hotel.
Hotel staff did help us in moving our luggage to the hotel and since there was no transportation in the area, we had to walk the 200 meter distance to the hotel. Amidst those many devotees, Sadhus and mostly young boys, with some heartbeats we reached the hotel safely. Sigh.
We still could hear the chants of the devotees outside but rooms were quite comfortable and safe, I thought. My uncle did give me a look saying ‘why the hell we chose this place’. In the morning we checked out and had to walk a kilometer or so to reach the nearby auto rickshaw stand to visit Taj Mahal. Then we caught our train in the evening.

From that day till today I hadn’t asked Mom how she felt about all that. I was bit hesitant thinking what if she reprimands me for taking that risk in Agra.
When I called her today she said she was fed up of non-veg food these days and is longing for vegetarian food. When I asked her when she had her best veg food ever, she thought for a while and said,
"Vo Agra mein hum thehre thhe na hotel mein, I still can’t get over the taste of the simple veg food we had there for the dinner. That dal fry was just amazing. If we happen to go to Agra again, we would stay in the same hotel again beta"

Then there was a big smile on my face. I again closed my eyes. And I again saw two people. Gandhi and Nehru, who gave us this democratic, secular piece of land. Jai Hind !

PS: It's been only serious topics unfortunately. Next blog will be an out and out comedy. I promise.

Kamaal Karte Ho Pandey Jee...

Salman Khan can’t cry. Salman Khan can’t laugh. Salman Khan can’t run. Salman Khan’s can’t act. Yet he mesmerizes you with his impeccable screen presence and his very unique, never seen before dialogue delivery which leaves you lost in his world. Salman has struck gold with Dabangg. And how!

The film doesn't have any great story but it's the character Chulbul Pandey that does the trick. It's one of the most powerful hero characters seen in bollywood. I think the last time I watched such a stylish hero in a movie was in Dhoom 2 and Don. In the movie, character names are different and catchy. UP accent had never sounded such funny before. Sonakshi looks fresh and songs are too melodious. All in all it's a perfect bollywood masala film.

For a while now, the hindi films those were being made were Pa, 3 Idiots, MNIK whose protaganist was not a hero type. May be the mass audience didn't enjoy such movies. But when Dabangg hit the screens, it was a treat for the aam small town junta. Look at the small screen earnings of Dabangg. It's way beyond those of 3 Idiots. In a day or two Dabangg would cross the life time nett earnings of Ghajini. And it may end up earning a nett Rs. 145 crores with a distributors' share of Rs. 80 crores. It's very unlikely that it may cross 3 Idiots total nett of Rs. 200 crores plus. Bebo didn't like the film mainly because she had thought it would be better than 3 Idiots. But no way. One can never compare Dabangg and 3 Idiots. Contentwise, storywise 3 Idiots is way way ahead of Dabangg. No second thought about it. Having said all that Dabangg will go down in the history of hindi cinema as the only 17th All Time Blockbuster movie.

I enjoyed Chulbul Pandey so much so that I can even mimic him now. Just need a stage and an audience..
Kamaal karte ho pandey jee.... Itne Chhed karoonga... Conphuse ho jaavoge... hahahaha awesome !

PS: I also liked Ronit Roy's character Bhairav Singh in Udaan. It's bit negative but very powerful. These days I'm Smitten by both Bhairav Singh and Chulbul Pandey. One trivia. While Abhinav Kashyap has written Dabangg(he also directed it), his brother Anurag Kashyap has written Udaan.

Kamaal Karte ho Sowmya Pandey... Hamein Chhodke Kahan Dijappear Ho Gaye :-) lol

Islam Vs Modernity!!

(Note:This piece was written a week before)

Exactly one year back I had traveled to my hometown to celebrate Eid with my family. It was after a gap of three years that I was reuniting with them and expectedly I was pretty excited about the celebrations. I had bought gifts and sweets before I left Bangalore. In Islam, the lunar calendar is followed and the moon is to be sighted on the eve of the Eid day.

At my place, the day prior to the Eid, when the moon had to be sighted, it was all cloudy. Nobody could see the moon. But majority of the country did sight and declared the Eid the next day. Generally Eid is declared by 7 pm or 8 pm. I went to my cousin Shahid to understand why there was delay in my town. He said the sole authority to declare the Eid was in the hands of the Imam of the main mosque and he would be following certain protocol before announcing if Eid would be celebrated the next day or not. Then I rushed to the mosque to know what the status was. There were around couple of hundred people congregated, anxious like me to know if there should be Eid tomorrow. I inquired a person and he explained me that as per Islam if a place doesn’t witness the moon then a pious person who has sighted it from a nearby place should come down and meet the Imam in person and testify else if he can’t come then he should sign a letter testifying that he did see and send across to the Imam. Then would Imam announce the Eid. That day the nearest place where moon was sighted was Gulbarga which was 500 km away from my place. And it was already 10:30 PM in the night.

I went back home and explained the story to my family. They all went to bed and asked me to wait at the mosque till the Eid is declared and wake them up and convey the decision before I went to bed. Again at 12:30 AM I went to the mosque and inquired the status. Someone said the guy who sighted the moon had come down to Hubli from Gulbarga. And he is denying to comedown to our town which is again 90 km away. Hence someone had gone to fetch the signed letter from him. Someone else said people from my town had acquired the letter and were coming down in a car. And it would take 2 more hours for them to reach. Then I asked him "Why can’t they just fax the letter?". His face brightened up. He went to the Imam to ask but came back disappointed. He told me that the Imam didn’t approve of the idea.

By the time the letter arrived it was already 2:30 AM. Then the Imam announced that there would be Eid. I returned home, woke my brother up and informed him and went to bed. I didn’t get sleep though. Lying on bed I was pondering over the events those had happened. Eid of Ramazan or Ramadan is the one most important day for any Muslim. And people from my hometown were making mess of it. So much of preparation is needed for the celebration of Eid. People have to get their clothes ready, arrange for food, women apply Mehandi on their hands, people like me should plan their travel, leaves. Most affected are the butchers who had to supply meat to the shops from the night itself. If there won't be Eid then people should arrange for fast. Amidst all this confusion and chaos the Eid was announced around 3 am in the morning. Why so much inconvenience to the people? One thing I don’t understand is that why are the Muslim clerics anti-modernity or anti-science? Why the letter which had to be brought down from Hubli couldn’t have been faxed?. If the person has sighted the moon in Gulbarga then why couldn’t he just take a mobile and call up the Imam and confirm? It would have taken just minutes.

When Islam emerged during the 6th century, it’s quite understandable that there were little means of communication. If the moon wasn’t sighted in a place, then someone from nearby place must have physically used to travel to the other place and convey. I am sure if there were mobiles and pagers, people would have used them and they wouldn’t have been declared haraam. But then why are we assuming that usage of any modern day technology is anti-religion? In fact we all use technology in our day to day life. Even a beggar in my place knows what a Bluetooth is and many illiterates have asked me "Tere phone mein WiFi nahi hai kya?". It’s just the matter of thinking what’s better for everybody. The intent was that if the moon is not seen at a place and if it is seen in a different place then with the confirmation of the person who saw the moon, Eid can be declared. Similarly is the case about photography. I heard that last year someone from Delhi denied his hajj pilgrimage just because his passport demanded him of a photograph. He argued that photography is not allowed in Islam and he wouldn’t compromise. Now, that the gentleman only knew that photos are not allowed but little did he know the purpose behind why photography is not allowed. It was to despise and discourage idol worship. I feel most of us go for the literal meaning of the scriptures and miss the real intent of them. People have become literalists. I think religion is not just rituals or external thing but it’s all about what you feel from within. It’s internal. Islam came as a blessing for the mankind when barbarism prevailed in the Middle East but today people are using Islam for wrong reasons. I myself am not spiritually educated much but this is what I believe in. It’s not about just following the religion blindly but more important is to understand the religion. It just requires common sense. It’s not just about educating or empowering the downtrodden, it’s also about changing ones mindset to accept the needed change for the betterment. There’s no wonder why 14 million Jews have won 180 Nobel prizes so far and 1.5 billion Muslims a mere 3 ! It’s such an irony that among monotheist religions Islam is the youngest but Muslims are the most backward. It’s high time people embrace modernity and not assume that anything modern is anti-Islamic. If I was the Imam and if I couldn’t sight the moon because of clouds then I wouldn’t hesitate a bit to go up in a jet over the clouds and sight the moon just to give a wonderful day(of Eid) to all those who are waiting eagerly. Today world is galloping at a rapid pace and if you are left behind you will be extinct. It’s very easy to loath Americans or Jews but Muslims don’t make an effort to be as developed as them. It looks as if Islam stops them from developing. No, it’s people’s mindset. Ulemas and clerics misinterpret the scriptures and blind people preaching that anything to do with modernity is a sin. Once Muslims were famous for art, music, architecture and food. But it’s a pity that today we see Muslim names mainly in terrorist groups, underworld dons, match fixers, law breakers and so on. Backwardness is a curse to Muslims just like how caste system is a curse to Hindus. If people don’t wake up and become modern they will not flourish, but perish. Time only will tell how the future unfolds. Today media is showing a terrorist offering Namaaz, I wish some day the same media will show an astronaut offering Namaaz in space. Insha Allah !

Tomorrow after one year I am again going home. Again there will be moon sighting. Again there will be preparations for the Eid. I just hope I don’t go to bed at 3 am in the morning pondering over that day’s events. Eid Mubarak to all!!

Proud to Be An Indian !!

I got up pretty early and opened the newspaper
There was honor killing and violence and no place was safer
I wasn't proud to be an Indian

I went to Lalbagh to jog for a while
There was trash everywhere and dirt for a mile
I wasn't proud to be an Indian

Then I took off for office and stopped by a cop
For no reason a hundred rupee I had to cough
I wasn't proud to be an Indian

At a signal, there was a strike by a regional language group
They hated migrants from other states who came to earn their soup
I wasn't proud to be an Indian

Then I saw a kid begging and starving
People pushed her aside and I saw her suffering and crying
I wasn't proud to be an Indian

I reached office and worked with clients who once ruled us
My team had people across states, there was unity and no fuss

I learned that I paid huge taxes to the government
Maitree made me help poor; I was happy and content

There wasn't corruption in my job and it wasn't filthy
I gave world class services and made India rich and wealthy

I went home and sat at the window and thought
If everyone works professionally and passionately there would be no distress or drought
Now, I am proud to be an Indian !!

Advantages/Disadvantages of Living in the USA !!

Advantages of Living in the USA (compared to India)

1. Money: High salary (in terms of rupees). Can save more money
2. Beauty: No dust, dirt, crowd or chaos. Beautiful tress, buildings, roads, vehicles, machines and people. Fall colors are mind-blowing
3. Transparency: No corruption. Equality for all and majority work professionally
4. Harmony: No fights, riots, quarrels or dirty politics on the basis of religions, castes, regions, languages and what not
5. Standardization: Highly uniform and organized system throughout the country whether it’s transport, communication, retail business or government laws. Ex: credit history, carmax etc
6. Network: Can work from any corner of the country. Courtesy High Speed Internet. Majority of shopping can be done on net. Entire US runs on the net
7. Happiness: Smiling faces all over
8. Transport: Cheap gas, cheap cars. Long drive is fun. No parking issues
9. Dogs: No stray dogs
10. Chillar: No change hassles. If you buy for 1 cent and pay $100 bill, for sure you will get back the exact change, anywhere in the country
11. Pen: No need to worry about a pen. All the offices, shops have pen tied to a thread
12. Fun: Strip bars and cheap booze (Best thing that can happen to Indian men in the US)
13. Fitness: Excellent sports facilities. Stadiums, grounds, courts, pools aplomb
14. Restaurants: Variety food. Restaurants from all across the world
15. Safety: No terror attacks (barring 9/11). Tight security
16. One Language: No language headaches (unlike Europe and Asia). Close your eyes and just speak English
17. Dress sense: Indian women can be least conscious of what they wear. They can jog on the roads as well. No one cares and no one stares
18. Affordability: Cheap electronic and sports goods
19. Availability: few restaurants and gas stations are open 24 hours a day
20. Readability: No books are banned. Go to Barnes and Noble and start reading Lajja or Shivaji or Satanic Verses(books banned in India)
21. Beggars: Very few beggars
22. Advantage for Smokers: Smoking in public places is allowed unlike in India
23. Mobile while Driving:Talking on mobile while driving is allowed unlike in India

Disadvantages of Living in the USA

1. SSN Tax: Huge Social Security tax deducted from the salary goes waste unless you retire there
2. Online Banking: One can not do online money transfer to different banks unlike in India
3. Tough Weather: Weather is extreme unlike India. And of course tornadoes
4. Medical Checkup and Medicines: Doctor’s fee is sky high. You can’t buy any medicine in the medical shop. They don’t return your prescription too
5. Mobile Rates: Incoming calls and messages are charged. Horrible
6. Transport: No auto rickshaws. Taxis are too expensive and rare
7. Light: No streetlights in residential areas (not too sure if in all arears)
8. Visa Power: Visa headaches
9. Indian Food: Rare and expensive Indian restaurants. Indian shops are expensive too
10. Festivals: Can’t burst crackers or play Holi
11. Racial Abuse: If unlucky, racial discrimination
12. Self Service: Self service almost everywhere. You have to clean your own plates/tables
13. Family Woes: If you have a family, then your (house)wife may get bored and you may not want to educate your child there
14. Too many Restrictions: You can’t cut a tree or go on strike or play badminton on the road or spit outside or pee wherever you want to.
15. Family: Last and most importantly you miss your family and friends back home
16. Liquor on Sundays: Liquor sale is banned on Sundays in some states like Georgia
17. No Roadside Shops: It’s so easy in India to go out and enter small shops like watch repair shop or shoe repair shop or pan shops or pani puri stalls on roadside for 10, 20 bucks. In the US, there are only show rooms.

18. Cricket: You miss cricket matches esp. IPL

19. COL: Higher Cost of Living

20. Planning is Must: You have to plan every single time you go out. You won't find people on roads helping you with directions. No. You will only find speeding cars

Did you know ?? Bangalore Trivia !

World is getting miniaturized, becoming smaller, running faster and also getting abbreviated. Abbreviations run in our blood. Today’s movies have short names. Viz, DDLJ, K3G, RDB. Just look at the abbreviations we use in our daily chat. LOL, BRB, BTW, OMG, WTF, ROFL, JLT, PPL, TMR and so on. Some write just ‘K’ for ‘OK’ and ‘S’ for ‘YES’.(I hate people writing KEWL for COOL. It has equal number of alphabets and sounds way too more complex than COOL). But we hardly worry about the expansions of the abbreviations we use. I kind of hesitate or dislike using abbreviations until I know their expansions.

When I meandered on the streets of Bengalooru I had seen many locations with the abbreviated or short names and hardly people knew their expansions. I did bit of research to find the expansions of the abbreviated locality names in the city. Listing some of them below.

BTM Layout --> Bhyrasandra Tavarekere Madiwala Layout
HSR Layout --> Hosur Sarjapur Road Layout
RPC Layout --> Railway Parallel Colony Layout
JP Nager --> Jayaprakash Nagar
RT Nagar --> Ravindranath Tagore Nagar
VV Puram --> Visvesvarapuram
JC Road- --> Jayachamarajendra Road
SJP Road --> Silver Jubilee Park Road
SP Road à Sardar Patrappa Road
RV Road --> Rashtriya Vidyalaya Road
Rajaji in Rajaji Nagar --> C. Rajagopalachari
SC Road --> Subedar Chatram Road
KH Road (Double Road) --> Kengal Hanumathaiah Raod
AV Road --> Alur Venkatarao Road
NR Colony --> Narasimha Raja Colony
KR Puram --> Krishna Raja Puram
DVG Road --> DV Gundappa Road
T in Jayanagar 4th T Block --> Tilaknagar (not sure of this)

There are loads of other areas with abbreviated names but I haven’t yet figured out their expanded forms. They seem not too popular. Listing some of them below. Try if you can expand some of them.

BK Nagar, CKC Garden, CMH Road, GK Temple Street , GKW Layout,
HBCS Layout, HBG Layout, HKK Lane, HGG Layout, ITC Colony, RK Layout, RR Layout, OPH Road, OTC Road, KHB Colony, MR Palya. OK. Enough. The list doesn’t seem to stop. I’m tired of dealing with these names now. Let me GTHOOH(Get The Hell Out Of Here ) :-)

Bangalore - A Food Paradise !

In the last one year, I have been roaming like a dog and eating like a pig all across Bangalore. I have put on 10 kilos in a year. Even though I am not a foodie, I have developed these taste buds God only knows why. Me and Bebo have come up with a list of places across Bangalore and the best available items there. This is just our opinion. Go ahead to these places and give it a shot. Hope ultimately you would agree with the fact that Bangalore is the true Paradise for Food!

Best Bengali Sweets - K.C.Das
Best DBC (Death By Chocolate) - Corner House
Best Kulfi - Bowring Institute
Best Moti Choor Laddoo - Anand Sweets
Best Cakes/Pastries - Sweet Chariot
Best Masala puri/Jamoon – Stall at Infantry road(near sony world)
Best Grilled Chicken – Empire Koramangala/Shivaji Nagar
Best Chicken kabab - Imperial(Residency road )
Best Biriyani (Muslim style) - Richies(Frazer town )
Best Biriyani (Andhra style) - Meghana(koranamgala/jaynagar)
Best Biriyani (Hyderabad style) - Hyderabad Biriyani House (Victoria Road)
Best Egg chicken roll – Lazeez, Koramangala
Best Sheek kabab roll - Fanoos (Hosur Road)
Best South Indian Veg - MTR(lalbagh road )
Best North Indian Veg - Rajdhani (Forum Value mall, UB City)
Best Tatte Idli – Bidadi
Best Grape Juice - Kabab Magic, East End
Best Vada Paav - Richie Rich(Saint Marks Road)
Best Idli Sambar - Adigas
Best Dosas - Vidyarthi Bhavan, Basavanagudi
Best Obattu - Sajjan Rao Circle
Best Bread Butter Congress - VB Bakery, Sajjan Rao Circle
Best Paddu North KTK breakfast – Vijay Nagar

PS: Any suggestions, opinions, additions or disagreements are all welcome

Mediocrity Sucks

I have a school friend who sort of suffers from Asperger’s syndrome. He is crazy, weird, funny and mad. In school, he was thin, fair and looked cartoon. He is terribly honest and understands only literal meaning of everything said to him. He has no feelings. My school friends had nicknamed him Mad Man. I want to tell something about him today. I don’t want to mention his name though but people who are close to me will easily know who it is.

Once when we were studying in the 9th standard, we both landed up in an argument and out of anger I had yelled at him, ‘don’t talk to me’. I didn’t mean it though.
He stopped talking to me eventually. After around 10 years, in 2005, he spoke to me only after I apologized. When I asked him why he didn’t speak to me all those years he said he had just obeyed me.

Then he was studying engineering in PESIT College Bangalore. He came to me one day asking why he was unable to get short listed in the campus interviews. He asked me what aptitude was all about and how to clear the written tests. I said that aptitude can’t be taught. It’s one’s inherent ability, more like a common sense. It mainly requires speed and accuracy along with simple, basic mathematics. I gave him names of few books viz, numericals from Agarwal, sample CAT papers, puzzles by Shakunthala Devi and George Summers.

He called me after a month. He was upset. He said he had studied all those books. That day, he had attended a recruitment written test for some company. He said he had solved all the questions correctly; still he was not short listed. Then after some inquiry, to my surprise, I got to know that he had topped in the written test and as per the company rules which had a higher cut off too, had rejected him saying he was too brilliant for the company. Greater surprise for me was when he had told he could easily solve all the problems in George Summers by himself by then. I smiled and said "Next time, please solve only 80% of the questions".

He did that the next time, got short listed in the written test but failed in the Group Discussion. He then came to me and said he wasn’t good at English and can’t speak fluent English. I referred him some books and practices. In the next few weeks he not only got a job in the campus but also started writing English poems.

After few months we both met at a friend’s place. I always called him ‘skeleton’ for his skinny body. We were pulling each other’s leg and suddenly we had a bet on who would have a better body after 3 months. Like Chatur of 3 Idiots, I challenged him, ‘after exactly 3 months we will meet here and let’s display our body then. Starting with abs, arms, chest, shoulders, back and legs. The one with the better body wins"
I enrolled myself to a gym. Worked out for one and half months and went to the same place after 3 months. I was sure that my friend couldn’t build his body so soon. I wasn’t surprised. When I looked at him he still looked a skeleton. I set off laughing and finally asked him why did he give up. Then he said calmly, ‘I started with abs. But they took lot of time. They almost took 3 months. From next week I will start arms. Yeah I think I lost the bet"
I asked him to show his abs. When he did, I exclaimed "F*** man !!"
He had a perfect 8 pack just like Bruce Lee or Amir in Gajani. I looked at him in disbelief. He said "400 to 500 crunches per day for 3 months"

He was happy with his job. One day he came again and said he never had a girl friend and asked me some help. I said, "Well, Mr Despy, I am your love guru now". I gave him some useful tips on flirting, how to woo girls and how to pretend truthful and say ‘I love you’.
And what was the result? He had wooed half a dozen girls in just one year and had great time with each of them. You know what I mean.

Then one night we were partying, he was explaining his conquests over girls. I told him, "Dude, please stick on to one girl. And never trust any guy. When it comes to girls, they are all dogs"
Little did I know that he would take the above line so seriously that he would stop trusting even me from that day.

He is getting married now. He did not invite me for his engagement nor he showed his fiancée’s photo to me. He is distancing himself from me(and may be other guys as well). I am afraid, he may not invite me for his wedding too. He thinks even I am a dog like other guys. This is so funny and frustrating at times as well. But I am not upset with him for his behavior because I know he suffers from Asperger’s syndrome.

Whatever his personal life may be, let’s ignore it. One more apology from me and he would be fine But one thing I want to say through this blog is, if you can be mad like my friend at whatever little thing you do then I am sure you will experience a thrilling and Nothing-Is-Impossible life. And results? They will definitely be beneficial to you; like a job with English poems, an eight pack abs and lots of women (I won’t approve of the last thing though) :-) Try it. It’s not that only guys with Asperger’s do it. Give your 100% effort, energy, focus, passion whatever you call it, to anything do. Work on it like a mad person even if it looks silly or foolish, reach for the skies, don’t care about anything or anybody who comes in your way and then when you are done, I am sure you would have found that there is no better way to live your life. Why all this pain? Because Mediocrity sucks!!

Ten Point Something

"Sir, let’s please have a race this time. I promise, it will be great."

I was talking to our PT master Mr. Anil Kumar one day when I was in the residential school at Dharwad. It was back in 1998. I was trying to convince him about having a 100 meter race for the teaching and non teaching staff on the occasion of the teacher’s day. Every year students used to organize sports events for teachers and honor them on the teacher’s day.

"What do you think; the old teachers would run a race? I bet most of them won’t even complete it. And myself being a state champion in athletics would just need to jog to win it" The PT master grinned.

He was in his mid thirties. He looked young and muscular.
He agreed somehow when I said we were planning to have a good first prize.

"It’s fine but won’t it be so obvious and boring when there’s no competition at all. God!.Ten point something was my personal best you know" He beamed proudly. I just looked at him and my eyes said "That…you would see for yourself. There are two more guys out there". My thoughts went back to my weeks long conversation.

I and couple of my friends had been to the Catering Manager, Krishniah Sir’s apartment. We were pretty close him. He was an ex Air Force guy. Hugely built, cool headed in his early forties. I had seen his home shelf then and saw a trophy which read "First prize in 100 meter finals". When I had inquired about it he had said he was a 100 mt champion in the Indian Air Force and had won many races.

"Vo sab bees saal pehle tha beta", he said as if he ran in his previous life

"Sir, do you remember what was your best timing? (in 100mt)" I had asked curiously. And he had said "Ten point something I think"

Second guy was Mr Ashok Anand who taught us math. We all called him Ashok Sir. I was his favorite student. He was again in his early forties. He was our House Master(of Senior Nalanda House). He used to visit our dormitories wearing a folded lungi. He had those huge, muscular calf muscles. Once I had asked him what was the reason behind his strong legs. He had said that he was a national level NCC trainer. He had trained cadets in fitness and sprinting viz. 100mt, 200 mt. He himself had represented university in 100 mt dash.

"Do you remember your best timing Sir?" I had again asked

"Ten point something"

‘Ten point something’ I had thought, ‘God!.. is close to the national record!’.
Since nobody knew about the fact that Krishniah Sir and Ashok Sir were once the champions triggered this plan in me of getting together the old three legends and having a race. I don’t think there ever was a race between an armed forces guy, a NCC guy and sports professional. For me it was like Jesse Owens, Carl Lewis and Usain Bolt running in the same race. People from different background and of course different era. I had not told this to anyone and I somehow convinced the school captains Basavaraj C.H. and Sharanabasappa that we would go ahead with this race. The race was on the eve of the teacher’s day.

The previous day I went to Krishniah Sir and said that I would tutor his kids math daily if he gives his 100% for this race. Also I requested Ashok Sir that I would take up IIT preparation seriously if he gave his 100% as well. Both of them nodded.

I love running. It’s sprinting exactly and not jogging. I believe, any man looks beautiful when he is sprinting. I just watch movies to see Tom Cruise, Mr Bachchan or Shahrukh running on screen. In school I always ran 100mt. Didn’t represent school and all as there were faster runners than me. Whenever I go to a beach I run and shoot it. Whenever I go home, I and my brother always race which often has close finishes. We have been racing since past 15 years or so. Also I used to be deliberately late to the office cabs so that I could sprint and catch them. Running ferociously, giving your everything, when each muscle pulls and performs, you feel you are flying. You have your goal ahead, adrenalin soaring high and each millisecond matters. I don’t think anything else in world would give you such a high. I have a wish that I should sprint as fast as I can and then disappear suddenly in the oblivion. That’s how I wanna die. Sounds lot stylish

The entire school came to the ground on the race day. Few were still bewildered as to why we were having a 100 mt race for the old teachers. The Principal was among the spectators. First, we had women teachers’ race. Well, only two of them completed it. And expectedly the lady PT master won it comfortably. Most of the students laughed at the funny competition. But I was waiting for something else.

Then there was the mens’ race. There were around eight participants. Mr Anil Kumar was beaming with pride with a smirk on his face. I looked at Krishniah Sir and Ashok Sir. They were sort of relaxing and stretching their limbs. Other teachers looked as if they never ever jogged leave alone running for a long time, stood there smiling, shyly ready to show their inability in front of the school.

There were murmurs and some noise when the race was about to start. My eyes set on the participants. Only I knew that there were three champions each unknown about the other. On your mark, get set, clap ! The race began. Everyone expected a la women’s race. In every race there’s lot of cheering or jeering. When I looked around, there was complete silence. Everyone’s mouth was wide open in disbelief. All were in shock to see three guys running so fast and fiercely.

The PT master had taken the lead in the first 20-30 meters. Around him, two people joined him. On the left Krishniah Sir and on to the right it was Ashok Sir.
Their speed increased and reached peak at 50 meters. The three hugely built men were running like tigers. Their stance, style, steps looked like perfectly trained professionals. The remaining participants who had taken off stood in disbelief after few meters looking these three who were speeding like a tornado destroying everything on its way. After 70- 80 meters all the three were almost side by side. Then suddenly there were shrieks, whistles, applause, loud noises from the spectators. Students shouted on top of their voices. Most of them either shouted ‘Krishna Sir..come on’ or ‘Ashok sir…come on’
The underdogs, I thought. All three put all their might and skills. In their head, they might be recalling their age old feats, I thought. I knew Krishniah Sir and Ashok Sir were putting their hundred percent as they had promised me. The race ended almost like a photo finish.

Krishniah Sir had won. A step behind was the PT master and just half a step more behind was Ashok sir. Entire school hurled and lifted Krishniah Sir. What a nerve racking event it had been. PT master looked embarrassed. He had to eat his words back. When I looked at him he didn’t even make an eye contact. I couldn't get to wish Krishniah Sir but went and wished Ashok Sir. He looked at me. His eyes filled with sort of gratitude. He had then learned what my intention was when I had forced him to run the race. It was to let the school live the moment of lifetime. In schools, it’s always about students. But seldom we think about teachers who also have a past and who also excel and inspire. They dedicate their lives teaching and taking c are of students and that day those three had become the biggest heroes for all the students who had witnessed the race.

Murthy sir who was officiating with a pad full of papers, a pen and a whistle told in an exciting and disappointing voice "hey nobody clocked the time huh? We didn't know it would be such a terrific race"
"Murthy Sir" I said. "You can note down the timing in seconds. It is ten point something" !!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kites Review !! Kites Can't Fly

There's KFCC strike today in Bangalore which has stalled the screening of the much awaited movie Kites. But I was lucky enough to sneak through the morning show. Had heard lot about Kites over the years and obviously the expectations were humongous. And how did I like it? I read a comment on it in the net. 'Kite without Tail and Kites without Tale will never soar high'

True, this movie doesn't have a story at all. Characters are so cliched. Script is weak. In the entire movie there could hardly be 4-6 lines of Hindi dialogues. It looked like Rakesh Roshan's own movie Koyla, but I would say Koyla was much better. The action sequences look so boring and immature if you have watched Hollywood action.

I am disappointed. To rub salt into my wounds, Barbara hasn't showed enough skin either ;-) lol.
Good thing about the movie is, its beautiful locales. and of course Hrithik Roshan. Beefed up, fit and fantastic Hrithik looks a Greek God. He acts very well. Unlike K3G where his emotions looked artificial, here his eyes emote with such ease. But he is wasted in an average movie.
Chemistry between Hrithik and Barbara is just awesome. Couple of songs too cool. All the negative characters are crap. Even Hrithik's friend has acted ordinarily.

All in all, it's not a paisa wasool. You can watch it if you are a Hrithik fan. Rating? 2 out of 5

The Story Behind Vidhaana Soudha !!

I had been to Vidhaana Soudha last week to meet my aunt who works there. Wow. It’s one huge fascinating structure. A true pride of Bangalore. Let’s go back in time and find out why this structure was built.

Kengal Hanumanthiah, Karnataka’s (then Mysore) first chief minister in the early 50s was a freedom fighter in India’s struggle for Independence. Seemed he had an anger against the British so much so that when he was the chief minister, he decided to abolish the high court building in Bangalore which was built by British in an European style and architecture. The Central govt. did not approve his demand. Then he vowed to create a magnificent Indian structure, even bigger right in front of the high court. He took it as a personal challenge and made sure that the huge Vidhaana Soudha is built whose domes resembled some of the famous south Indian temples. He himself stood and made sure each room in the building resembled those of the rooms in the Mysore palace.

But when the final structure was finally completed, there arose the biggest irony. The Vidhaan Soudha resemled Crawford Hall, Mysore University building which is a British structure ! Indeed an Irony!! Look again at the pictures above. The first picture is of Crawford Hall and the second picture of course, is the Vidhaana Soudha. Quite a resemlance. Bad luck Mr. K.Hanumanthaiah but well done anyway !!

Did I like Pune better than Bangalore ?

I was in Pune a week before the Koregaon blast happened in February 2010. There’s one aspect about which I felt I liked Pune better than Bangalore.

If I am in Bangalore, I will have to really use my brains to decide in which language I should speak to which all people when I go out in the city. Sometimes it is a pain. For example, if I see someone local, say an auto driver who has this red,yellow Kannada Rajyotsava flag on his auto, I should decide to speak to him in Kannada, If I go to someone who looks North Indian like the pani puri vendors, construction workers or Marwari shop keepers I should speak to them in Hindi. If someone looks Muslim, I should talk in Urdu. There are quite a few people who only know Tamil or Telugu(Like in Andhra Mess and all), with them I should follow the sign language as I don’t understand those languages. If I happen to confront someone from North Karnataka then I should think if I should switch my accent to 'Enri Heng Adeeri Sir-a' one. If finally someone doesn’t belong to any of these categories then I should speak in the neutral language; that is, English.

But there is no such problem in Pune at all. Wow. You can be relaxed when you go out in the city. Everybody in the city whether he’s a small chaiwala or a car showroom owner or a CEO of a company follows and speaks Hindi. You can blindly go to anybody and communicate in Hindi. It’s so easy and hassle free. I wondered if Raj Thakre’s Marathi Manooos propaganda hasn’t affected these people yet. Anyway I had a blast going out in the city to do some shopping until the fateful blast happened. So sad.

Sorry Dad..

My father always used to say the following lines when he was alive. He believed in them till his last day.

“If you lose money, nothing is lost
If you lose health, something is lost
If you lose respect, everything is lost”!!

But I don’t agree with him actually. He was wrong. My belief is different.

About money, I do agree with him completely. Money is just a necessity.
About health, if it worsens, do not worry. You can still be happy. Just that don’t worsen it further. Having said that, after all every soul has to die someday.
About respect; Don’t be bothered. If people respect you or not, if your image is intact or spoiled, if people call you characterless or a saint should always be a non issue. Nothing can alter your happiness. Don’t live for people. Live for what you believe in (which should not hurt others but).

Hence my version of what is lost is different. Here it goes…

“If you lose money, nothing is lost
If you lose health, nothing is lost
If you lose respect, nothing is lost
But… If you lose PEACE OF MIND, everything is lost”!!

Sorry Dad…

3 Idiots – MNIK – Formula for successful movies

I may sound like the Most Wanted if I quote I know the formula for successful movies. Before all the movie producers flock my house, let me make it clear that these are just my views(right or wrong) and there’s nothing new I ‘am gonna say here.

We saw huge blockbusters like 3 idiots and MNIK. In today’s world, the reason that they became so successful was the fact that these movies have multiple messages in them. People go to multiplexes paying Rs. 350 or so and if they aren’t satisfied enough they feel cheated. But again nobody knows for sure what makes a movie run, it could be some magic that audience find in a movie if it doesn't have any message (Ishqiyan??)

Let me count the messages that 3 idiots gave

1) Aal izz well – It’s about hope. Never panic. Whatever problem you’re in, believe that everything will be fine someday

2) Excellence – Strive for excellence and not success

3) Friendship

Now let me list MNIK’s messages

1) Truthfulness, Innocence, goodness - Be good and say truth always. You will have your laugh at the end

2) Love – A person who can’t have feelings succumb to Mandira’s love and goes all out to gain it back. But in reality, does true love ever exist? (for that wait for my next blog)

3) Don’t generalize – Don’t brand any community as good or bad. There are only good people and bad people.

My best line from the movie is, when the TV reporter asks Khan about what kept him going in such a long journey, he replies confidently ‘my son Sam’s soccer shoes’ haha lol.

Well, having said all this, I feel MNIK is unrealistic. The thought of dividing people into good or bad is not correct because nobody is 100% good or 100% bad. Everybody have their own perspective to life. What I think is, there are two kind of people in this world. Problem creators and Problem resolvers !! And my appeal to everybody is, please try to be a problem resolver as much as you can. In that sense, I’m proud to be a service provider engineer.

Do you know any movie which had maximum messages? I feel it is a wonderful movie named ‘Khuda Ke Liye’, my all time favorite. It’s again based on Islamic world mainly. Very very apt movie.

I am not a great writer or something but the other day I had a nice idea on which a movie can be made. Planning to do some research on it and develop a movie script. It’s again about some syndrome. Only people whom I have told about this are Alpana, Sreedevi and Mathad. So, please wish me luck. Dharma productions, I am coming to you. Else Farhan Akhtar ?

Take care till I come up with a new blog. Please get back if I bore